[ September 6, 2006 ] what is the point of having the ability to conjur up good thgouhts if the only power i have with them to produce angry, jeolous, paranoid ones. 0 read reply

[ August 6, 2006 ] ive come to the conclusion that people in general are assholes including myself. i dont find any real happiness in people these days. i want to melt back into the cold winters when you have an excuse to not be present in any sort of activities. i feel like a bear and i all do is sleep the days away, and i look at it now and ive wasted this whole summer, last summer was brilliant. i was so happy and so vibrant [in more ways than one] and ive come to realize with the year 2006 the smiles and laughter have exploded out of my body and sit on my floor somewhere in mush. ive become very good at faking happiness, i know what people want to see and i know the reponse they want and ive just walked around like a zombie living for other people and all this time just searching for someone to confide in someone to vent to and seek advice. bcause god knows i dont know what the fuck is going on in my head right now. im beginning to annoy the one person i can actually talk to about everything because i talk about it too much because i dont know what to do. im destroying everything. amanda the destroyer. 1 read reply

[ July 25, 2006 ] you begin to notice alot more things as the summer rolls by, days wind in and out all the same and nothing really significant. then again maybe thats my problem all along sitting and waiting for that one significant thing to happen isn't the right approuch. I'm going about it all wrong. I find myself craving a job, not to earn money, i waste my money on pointless things. No I wouldnt get a job for the money, i would get a job to waste some time. Add some sort of experience onto the end of the summer, and this year I would get a job and create some sort of work ethic. And maybe while I'm out working, I'll find something new to do. Like bring Jeff fishing, or bring my little sister to the mall, and maybe even going horseback riding or some mountain climbing for some eventful childhood nostalgia. 2 read reply

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